#SorryNotSorry

Friday, August 08, 2014

The other day while driving in the car with my dad, I said sorry 8 times in under 5 minutes when I had nothing to apologize for. Yes, I'm well aware that this isn't groundbreaking news, but if Kim Kardashian and Kanye West can make headlines just because they've been married now for more than 72 days, then I'm going to talk about me and my filthy habit of over-apologizing.

I apologize for everything. Someone bumps into me, I'm the first to apologize. Someone interrupts me, I apologize. I'll talk about something I'm really passionate about, and apologize for for being so invested when I finish speaking. I apologize when someone doesn't like food from a restaurant that we're eating at. When I drive my friends places and turn on my music, I apologize for my music taste. 

Basically, I've been apologizing for being me.

I never noticed how much I apologize, but it's become painfully obvious that the phrase "I'm sorry!" is on my Top 10 Overused Phrases list. Saying sorry is my crutch. It's my way of speaking my mind but avoiding being perceived as "too demanding" or "too headstrong". It's my way of saving myself from potentially embarrassing situations. It's my way of downplaying myself. It's my way of making myself less of a threat and seemingly more human. It's my way of voicing my thoughts and opinions in any conversation. It's my way of undermining myself and making myself inferior. It's my way of filling any silence. 

Why do I apologize for everything? It's become something I do unintentionally. Instead of saying "Excuse me," when I try to walk through a door the same time that someone else does, I say "I'm sorry." I'm basically apologizing for my existence, and when I look at it that way, this is crazy! I'm not the only one who does this. Even Taylor Swift apologizes for leaving her ex boyfriend that cheated on her in her song "White Horse". She says "I'm so sorry, cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well." Why are we at the point where we're apologizing for being cheated on?

I know the hashtag #SorryNotSorry is really silly, but I like the idea of it. The idea of being unashamedly yourself and saying something that you mean with absolutely no regrets. #SorryNotSorry is like the modern equivalent of "Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes." Honestly, I don't want to be sorry anymore. I don't want people to think I'm subservient because I'm always apologizing. I don't want people to think I don't know what I'm talking about. And I especially don't want people to think I'm incompetent or incapable of trusting and respecting myself.


It takes around 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. In these next 66 days, I want to teach myself to stop apologizing when I've done nothing wrong. I challenge you to do the same because what you have to say is important. What you believe in is important. You are important. You matter. You should never feel inclined to apologize for being you. Because you're pretty great.

P.S. This post is dedicated to Emily @ Natural Earthling for inspiring this post! She's my long lost soul sista and absolutely gorgeous inside and out. We've been sending each other really long messages, and she's one of the main reasons I'm trying to stop apologizing for everything! So thank you Emily for being you :)

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14 Happy Thoughts

  1. This is awesome. My sister and I both share this problem as well! It's so great that you are not going to apologize for being you - because you are super pretty, an amazing runner, and an awesome person inside and out! Keep being you Katherine <3

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  2. What a beautiful post lovely lady :) You are such a strong and passionate girl, I am glad your letting the world know! You could not have said it ANY better, lets never apologize for being us. I'm taking on the challenge with you, no sorry's unless I mean it, for 66 days. We can do this together :) And thank YOU for being you, soul sista! You made my week that much sweeter.

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  3. I love this because I am the same!! I'm such an "I'm sorry" kinda girl too! My husband actually gets mad at me sometimes & tells me to stop saying I'm sorry!! LOL I know I do it all the time & I really need to work on not apologizing so much too. I exist & shouldn't be sorry for it! Great post! :)

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  4. Great post! I find myself apologizing a little too much now and again myself. I definitely think it's a good idea to work towards apologizing less. It's one thing to be polite, but it's another to overdo it. ;) Good luck! And thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  5. Love it! I've been catching myself doing this more often recently, even though I know I shouldn't. Maybe I'll keep this in the back of my mind these next few weeks and try to break the habit myself :)

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  6. great post! I definitely do this a lot myself. I have read articles on how women in general tend to apologize more for things that we really shouldn't be apologizing for at all. I'm going to try to be more aware of this :)

    Also, that link under your pic that says "collection of classic appetizers." what is that? I've seen it on other blogs and want to try it out on my own - thanks!

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  7. I seriously just can't get over how freaking great your posts are. You really have a way with words! While I don't think I have a big problem with this (I hope) I do know people that do and I'm always saying "why are you sorry? you're not doing anything wrong!" Don't ever be sorry for being yourself!!

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  8. I had a friend that used to be exactly the same. Well done for no longer apologising for being YOU!

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  9. Preach Girl. I agree 100% with you. I was reading an article that a friend posted on Facebook about important life lessons and one of them was about not apologizing for things that you aren't truly sorry about. I really liked that. I am also guilty of apologizing when things are not my fault. After reading that post, I have been working on not apologizing for anything I haven't done wrong. And btw, I looooved your wording in this post. You are such a natural at writing! Keep doing you :)

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  10. This is a really great post babe. Sorry I'm kind of late getting to it [and I get to say sorry, because I really mean it!!] But I totally know what this feels like. I say sorry way more than I should as well, and even when I don't say it, I still accept blame upon myself when theres no need to.
    Overall, definitely theres no need to apologize for just being you. AND I'm all about the #sorryimnotsorry train!

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  11. I notice I do this sometimes too. I always look for others's validation and apologize when i do not meet it and that's not right.

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  12. This is something I truly needed to read tonight. Thank you so much for this!

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  13. Loooveee this!! Amen big time girl, I often apologize too much too.

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  14. Loved reading your post!! after reading this post I have realised "I AM SORRY" is one of my most frequently used statements.. :( I apologise too much... I definitely need to work on this.. Thanks for this amazing post.

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