A Note For Those Who Don't Know What The Hell They're Doing (Like Me)

Thursday, September 24, 2015

What should I major in? Am I choosing the right career path? Did I come to the right college? Will I make friends? What if I don't get into that organization? What if I don't get good grades? Where should I work this summer? What company should I intern for in 3 years? Am I happy? 

What the hell am I doing with my life? 

I know college is a time for questioning things, and maybe I'm slightly delirious from not enough sleep and more than enough economics, but I genuinely have no clue what I'm doing with my life.  

So here I am, as vulnerable as one can be behind a computer screen, admitting that I don't know what I'm doing. The only thing I'm absolutely sure of is that I'm absolutely unsure. About everything. And it's the scariest/coolest feeling I've ever felt.

I don't know if my dreams are just dreams or if I'll ever make them a reality. I don't know if I even know everything I dream of doing. I don't know if I'll amount to anything. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't even know what I'm eating for dinner tonight. There's enough uncertainty in my life to make anyone feel nervous/panicky, and I do feel that way, but I also feel like being unsure could be one of the greatest things that will ever happen to me (and you).

I've never been more uncomfortable in my entire life than I have been during the last month. I've never been more lonely. I've never been more terrified. I've never been so unsure of anything. I've never felt so out of control. Uncertainty has forced me to live in the moment. I'm not constantly planning out every aspect of my life because I don't even know what to plan anymore. 

I think before we do anything that makes us really question who we are and what we want to do with our lives, we think that we're in control. Or we're under the misconception that we have total control. I know I was. I've always felt like I'm in complete control of my life, but college has made me realize that I'm not. God has his own plan for me, and it's not anything I can carefully planned. All I can really do is trust him and just go with it. 

Why do I have to be so sure of everything? Why do I have to have my entire life mapped out before I'm 19? The future is just time that hasn't arrived, and I'll meet it when it does. Because I've got nothing else planned.

So this post is for the ones who don't know what the hell they're doing with their lives. Cause I'm right there with you. Here's to leaving routines in the past. Here's to having open minds and unbridled curiosity. Here's to looking at each day as 24 new hours full of potential opportunities. Here's to doing what we love and doing a lot of it. Here's to embracing everything, even the scary stuff. Here's to us. 

I'm incredibly uncertain about everything right now, but I am certain that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet. Who knows where we'll be a year from now. Maybe we still won't know what we're doing, but I can promise you that it won't be boring.

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2 Happy Thoughts

  1. Every single college student (especially freshman) feel that way!

  2. Emily (A Natural Earthling)Friday, September 25, 2015

    IM FEELING EXACTLY EVERYTHING YOU ARE TO A T! Its a wonderful crazy ride, my friend. Lonely, confusing, scary, but its nice to know everyone else has felt, or does feel the same way too.


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